not to count the chicks before the chicken lays its eggs.

or not to be overly excited into something that hasn't been concretely happening.

Last night, I couldn't sleep in the thought that in just 3 sleeps, I will be striding the rice terraces in Banaue. But after packing my things for the trip and heading to the office for last preparations, a bad news came that there is yet another typhoon entering the Philippines. After the wreck that Typhoon Juan has caused, what is there to wreck more in Northern Luzon? 

 

This is Banaue Rice Terraces. It's one of UNESCO's hailed "world heritages".
Since I don't have the chance yet to take picture from there, I got this picture from here.

 

The rice terraces are around 4,000 years old! and it would circle half the world if we put each step along side each other, even longer than the Great Wall of China. It is the benign concrete evidence that Filipinos are intelligent people, as they were able to engineer an agricultural system by making steps in the mountains. Contrary to other world heritages that is now merely a museum, the rice terraces keeps on living as rice is continually planted and harvested from the steps. There are worries though since young generations of Ifugao prefer to take on professional jobs likely of the city people thus passing on the culture and intelligence of preserving the terraces is on threat and quality of the rice harvested is at the down surge. That is all I know and I hope to learn more though the trip but unfortunately... Shikataganai ne~! \ It can't be helped. 

 

So, unwillingly.. I agreed with the idea to postpone the trip not unless, I am really comfortable with being stranded in Banaue for a couple of days. I don't want to. First, there's not enough penny in my pocket for the food and lodging and second, there are so many work left undone that I was planning to put my head and heart unto right after coming back from the refreshing Banaue trip.... Kyaaaaa~~~

Anyway, I hope we could reschedule the trip by next week or next next week. If not, then probably it would be scheduled on January or March. /sad

Writer's Block: Time in a bottle

It would be fun if time stops for one to be stuck in a memory, but it would be better that time continues ticking for people to make more memories.

we're a generation of people making most out of our time that we sometimes forget to take it slow

I wrote this weeks ago... luckily, LJ had back-up saved. 

Since the doctor told me about persons of my age are becoming prone to my sickness, I couldn't help but wonder what's the sociology behind it. I started to look at my own self and the people of same age around me.

We are always "on-the-go". We are people who tries to wake up early everyday to live our dreams - to catch the train or bus to office, to enjoy what we most like to do at work, to save money for out-of town and country trips and to stay up late at night with long unmet friends. We are people who want to make the most of everyday - resulting into insomniac nights, days without breakfast and penny in our pockets spent not on food alone but of all the material things this fruitful time of technology is offering. 

Though there's nothing wrong with making the most out of our lives, we must also take a step back and take care of ourselves. So as not to suffer from pains of monthly medication and the frustration of being unable to do things that we like. Our hearts and minds may force our body to move mountains, but still, the movement depends on our body that's why we must take care of it more than we value our minds and hearts.

I've always been thinking like this for 3 months now but there's always been the day in a week that I'm plastered on bed. Just to realize, I've learned nothing at all for I haven't applied it. 3 months more to go for the medication.... I should be more kind to my body from now. and I advise all people in my age not to think that "we are superhuman", that a tiny drop of rain couldn't affect us, because it could. With regards to health, forget all about the superheroes (Batman, Superman, Wonderwoman, Astroboy, Voltes 5, Power Rangers) that we grew up with because we are all just 'humans'. Take a rest for a while. <3

health is wealth

When it rains, it pours.

Or so I thought. I stayed for a month at home, resting as Doctor prescribed and I felt it's the worst month of this year for me. I have to stay on 6 months for medication and is not allowed to do community work. I had nothing to do at home but sleep, play FFVIII, eat, play guitar, watch anime or read. There are mornings that I'll just spend it on slumber as my body's too heavy and tired to even get into a slight move. Not that I didn't enjoy it, I was just not fond of staying at home anymore and I was missing my busy days in Perez, Quezon Province. However, in the last part of it, I was enjoying the vacation too much that I didn't want to get back to work. It was a heavy rain. I saw it coming but I still didn't put out my umbrella.

ACCE August - Summer 2010 Participants
with Leaders - Chika, Chas, Jas and Staff - Yuko, Kring.
Ate Sayo was taking the picture. >.<

But then, August study tour came. I envied the vigor of my fellow young adults - their laughter, their eagerness to learn and all their energy. I want to be active again - I want to do the things I've been doing before. I felt really sad that I wasn't part of staff who walked with them in Perez, who would have helped them share their lives with children, youth and mothers. While I was supporting in the technical matters of study tour, I never felt more alive than before - and I've regained the excitement I had, in advocacy, of reaching my dreams, of living.

thinking.. "I've got to keep living and loving."

In this month, I learned how important it is to take care of my body - to eat healthy, to sleep early and to laugh a LOT. Now, I'm back to basic.

a thing about love.

is I never saw it coming, it kinda crept up and took me by surprise ♪♪♪

After a year, I was expecting to learn more about love. But, I don't know anything about love anymore. What I get, are just mixed feelings.

One, it makes me tremble and vomit in the nervousness of seeing him again after quite a long time. I can't even have the strength to look at those feet nor fingers. I can't stare right at his eyes though how much the inside of me wants to. At the last minute, I want to back out from seeing him again. I'm too shy. Even just his voice calling my name or some other people's voice calling his name, gives tingles to my whole being.

Two, it makes me jealous, not confident and irrational. The simple scenery of him talking to another girl feels like my heart has become the twin towers of 9/11. It makes me feel like it's not me, makes me wonder how fast I get envious, and how fast I've lost all the ideas I've learned through the years momentarily. Even so, I hear another part inside me that whispers everything's all right and that trust is the purest form of love.

Three, it makes me extremely excited. Daydreams and waking up from a dream that I was with him feels sanely overwhelming. It gives me something to look forward to in the future and tells me each day is as good as the last time I was with him and the day the next day that I could be with him.

Four, it's unconscious but there is not an hour in the day that I don't think about him. Each time I see a stuff printed with Snoopy or hear a Japanese song or write with the mechanical pencil which I teased him to give me, thoughts of him rushes through my consciousness. In simple things, I could remember him and because of these simple things I find myself smiling or tears flowing down my eyes.

Five, it makes me happy in a split second. A simple smile from him shown straightly to my face feels like heaven, a random short message of no meaning is a cup of comfort and a tired husky voice sending me to bed is such a sweet lullaby. What's most unforgettable is the sudden embrace, which felt like I am the most precious person for him in the whole world. I'm so glad and proud to say that the 'him' is 'you'. Thank you for making me the second happiest person in the world.

There are more, but I couldn't explain. I wouldn't even cover half of it in description if I try to. That's how troublesome love is, to define. However, one weird thing I learned is that all of these feelings seems reasonable and so precious to forget. May it give off bad or good feelings, I would like to keep all of these various feelings forever, in the deepest secret pocket of my heart.

Yet, it's not necessary for me to define it right? Because, I want to experience more confusion about love with you and define a specific kind of love unique for just the two of us. To put it simply, I love you. Happy anniversary!

Smiles and Tears

Like waiting for the bus
though uncertain  when it will come,
one still keeps standing
a roller coaster ride when waiting's done.

A phone call unanswered, 
but just a message could lift up,
the mixed feelings inside
is where the lines overlap. 

Pain succumbs in the distance
like a pipe gradually growing rust
but overwhelming is the strong stance
of hope, of respect and of trust.

Similar to a clear black sky
of abstractness and unclarity,
but with specks of light from stars
cluttered is comfort and security.

Always, the coin has two sides
one begets the other, the other begets one,
composed of both smiles and tears,
inevitable, it's the nature of love.

sometimes, you have to let go of your grip just to fall and land on a safety net.

I actually experienced this on the bus on my way home. Not as usual, the bus was crowded and there were no vacant seats so I was standing from Rotonda until Coastal Mall in the farthest side of the bus, where there are 6 (?) seats aligned. At the time when some passengers who was sitting at the middle of these 6 seats, I was excited to finally sit down. In my excitement, I lost my grip of the steel bar as the bus suddenly moved. I fell and i felt the rush of blood in my veins which sent the signal to my brain of 'nervousness'. Yet seconds later, I fell at the exact spot where I wanted to sit. Luckily, it was a good fall and I felt happy being in a comfortable place just right after feeling nervous.

And then I thought of my life now... which is again on a turning point.

In the office, they needed someone who could take lead the administrative desk. I personally don't believe it's my forte nor it's what I studied however I do remember there is social work administration in  what I studied in the university. This brings uncomfort and anxiety. But I want to look at it in the framework of what our organization needs and then I'll leave the matter to the board to decide. Anyway, my skills are of a neophyte and as much as I can, I want to be able to experience and have a hands-on training of all the aspects of social work. The major worry however is would I be able to keep the high motivation, by being pulled-out of community organizing work. And to take on administrative work is not so heavy job ... if I were to base in our manual. Therefore, I could use my time to have a part-time work or to enter grad school. 

"It's not a question of whether I can do or what I want to do, but what I should do." - Chas

Whatever may happen, I'll just ride it and then fall and then find the safety net, if ever it was not close to where I fell. :))