more than being a crybaby~

Sometimes, I cry even when there is no reason and sometimes I feel glad but tears start to fall down on my cheeks. One instance was yesterday when me and my block-mates talked about love. The topic started at cliché-questions - what is your ideal guy? Then, it went to deeper topics such as - "for I've seen love die so many times, that even the longest years of relationship could also come into end". To prove this Ate Clang asked if I see Jeric as the one I would marry. I was quite unsure of what I would answer. I told them "I wouldn’t want to think about it yet, I want to love him as where we are right now because I don't want to get trapped again by thinking too much of the future and of marriage while in turn, our relationship would end."

 

"It depends on the reason why you enter into relationships. Coming from a Catholic point of view, I want to have a boyfriend who I expect to be my husband. If that isn't your reason then what is?", asked Ate Clang.

 

A moment of silence surrounded us. Disrupting this moment, I talked my heart out. "Even if I can say I'm in loved with Jeric, I can't say I had totally moved on with what happened with my past pseudo-boyfriend. Jeric knew that and..even when I start to cry because of the past, he listens and comforts me." I cried. They wondered. "It's just that I can't help but cry when I remember how Jeric treats me and is so good to me."

to start living at the "now"

I've been pondering on why I feel so lazy or rather sleepy today but I can't figure it out. I've slept rather early last night at around 10 in the evening and was fighting with myself to get up this morning by 8:30. These lazy days have come more often now that I've finished my studies and graduated. I feel like my life has passed me by and that there is nothing left to do since I've been there-done that. I don't like what I feel but I don’t know how to rub off these thoughts and feelings. I'm just waiting for this day to end so that another days starts. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

 

 And yes I've grown tired of waiting. I think all my life, I've spent most of my time waiting. I waited for Mama at school so that I'll watch Doraemon or Bananas in Pajamas after.  I waited for Papa to go home unexpectedly from his job in Sorsogon so that he, Ian and I could go bike-riding in parks or swimming at the 3-minute walk beach in our barangay. I waited for Ian to finish playing Flyff so that I too could play. I waited for myself to finish high school then finish college. I wait for the MRT. I wait for my friends. I wait for Papa to come home. I wait for Ian to finish high school so that our family could live together again here in Manila. I wait for Saturdays with Pika to come so that I'll be able to spend a day happily and when that days is over, I wait again. Now, I think I'm waiting for my new life as a social worker to start, a new life as a daughter living with her family, a new life as a woman fighting for the equality of men and women, a new life as a mother and wife implementing social work principles in family life. Maybe, it's better for me to stop waiting and start living now.

while in a line of crowded people, I LOLed~

A very funny text message from TJ, who was waiting for me in Trinoma for about an hour:

 

"Asan ka na? Malayo pa ba? Wag kang mapressure, nagtatanong lang."

(Where are you? Would it take long before you'll arrive? Don't get pressured, I'm just asking.)

 

Lol. :D