is I never saw it coming, it kinda crept up and took me by surprise ♪♪♪
After a year, I was expecting to learn more about love. But, I don't know anything about love anymore. What I get, are just mixed feelings.
One, it makes me tremble and vomit in the nervousness of seeing him again after quite a long time. I can't even have the strength to look at those feet nor fingers. I can't stare right at his eyes though how much the inside of me wants to. At the last minute, I want to back out from seeing him again. I'm too shy. Even just his voice calling my name or some other people's voice calling his name, gives tingles to my whole being.
Two, it makes me jealous, not confident and irrational. The simple scenery of him talking to another girl feels like my heart has become the twin towers of 9/11. It makes me feel like it's not me, makes me wonder how fast I get envious, and how fast I've lost all the ideas I've learned through the years momentarily. Even so, I hear another part inside me that whispers everything's all right and that trust is the purest form of love.
Three, it makes me extremely excited. Daydreams and waking up from a dream that I was with him feels sanely overwhelming. It gives me something to look forward to in the future and tells me each day is as good as the last time I was with him and the day the next day that I could be with him.
Four, it's unconscious but there is not an hour in the day that I don't think about him. Each time I see a stuff printed with Snoopy or hear a Japanese song or write with the mechanical pencil which I teased him to give me, thoughts of him rushes through my consciousness. In simple things, I could remember him and because of these simple things I find myself smiling or tears flowing down my eyes.
Five, it makes me happy in a split second. A simple smile from him shown straightly to my face feels like heaven, a random short message of no meaning is a cup of comfort and a tired husky voice sending me to bed is such a sweet lullaby. What's most unforgettable is the sudden embrace, which felt like I am the most precious person for him in the whole world. I'm so glad and proud to say that the 'him' is 'you'. Thank you for making me the second happiest person in the world.
There are more, but I couldn't explain. I wouldn't even cover half of it in description if I try to. That's how troublesome love is, to define. However, one weird thing I learned is that all of these feelings seems reasonable and so precious to forget. May it give off bad or good feelings, I would like to keep all of these various feelings forever, in the deepest secret pocket of my heart.
Yet, it's not necessary for me to define it right? Because, I want to experience more confusion about love with you and define a specific kind of love unique for just the two of us. To put it simply, I love you. Happy anniversary!
