We can never have this side if we never have the other. There is no east when there is no west, no love when there's no hate and so there is no clarity with no confusion. It's the natural way of the attraction of opposites, a contradiction's need for the other in order to continually exist. The antithesis, we always need it.
I'm confused with love, with work and religion and I feel down-trodden that I have to seek answers to these 3 questions in my mind all in the same time. I think these three are all essentials in what we call 'life' or maybe in what I call 'my life' because it's those three that worked in the larger sphere of my consciousness that's why I continued to live. But then, a brick of un-lateral continuity (borrowed from Geology) hit the three and in a sense, my senses are failing.
Love.. is bullshit (as Urbandub sings) when you keep being rubbed by it. (The romantic love I mean) But then, I could always be at fault for my decisions yet I never want to regret. Maybe pride enters into the subject or maybe there is really what Jesse says my 'rationalizations'. "To be label one as feeler or a thinker is out of the question for we are all thinkers and feelers our selves", he said. Lagot siya kay Jung. xd Love makes me sad but then it also makes me happy. "Love is made of smiles and tears", as a key-chain from a friend once said. A thousand miles away, you are. I should be doing poetry right now. And in all these clarity, I'm still confused so I am letting it all go. To keep the bitterness is not my nature for I've always been into sweets.
Work. The pressures are coming - my family and my friends. The responsibility of being the first-born is dragging me into the perspective that 'I should be able to make more money, support the family' though I've always been contented with my work. I was happy. Before, money didn't matter for as long as I find dignity, pleasure and contentment with my work. It was a dream come true - to finally be with people doing every pinch of detail in order to make this world a better place. Yet, I have to make the decision and I already did and some were already set into motion - the only task that's left is letting go. I would, I would.
Religion. I lost my faith in religion (another Urbandub song, xd). As I dove deeper in reality and concreteness of poverty, the more I see how somehow the church has its' hands on preserving it. Into making one believe about the divinity, that there is one savior in all our sufferings, i see the blindness of the faith of the poor people and of the hopeful yet equally hopeless condition of them. "Religion is the opium of the masses", it's true. I even once cried in feeling the emptiness when I tried to rip all the faith off. I walked as an atheist for a few weeks, even debated and questioned my seminarian friends. But one stood still and listened to my confusion and Harold made me remember that I am living in a different kind of faith and of religion - Liberation Theology, the Redemptorists. As long as it's with the Redemptorists, I'm okay. There are always these questions yet these questions could be channeled in Philosophy and Theology so as to bring it back into Science. Anyway, it was philosophy that started the inquiry. :)
So, not all of these are clear. I think it made even more confusion when I started to reflect as I was writing this blog. But I'm in the right path. Or so I think. Good morning bones! (another Urbandub song) :)
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