more than being a crybaby~

Sometimes, I cry even when there is no reason and sometimes I feel glad but tears start to fall down on my cheeks. One instance was yesterday when me and my block-mates talked about love. The topic started at cliché-questions - what is your ideal guy? Then, it went to deeper topics such as - "for I've seen love die so many times, that even the longest years of relationship could also come into end". To prove this Ate Clang asked if I see Jeric as the one I would marry. I was quite unsure of what I would answer. I told them "I wouldn’t want to think about it yet, I want to love him as where we are right now because I don't want to get trapped again by thinking too much of the future and of marriage while in turn, our relationship would end."

 

"It depends on the reason why you enter into relationships. Coming from a Catholic point of view, I want to have a boyfriend who I expect to be my husband. If that isn't your reason then what is?", asked Ate Clang.

 

A moment of silence surrounded us. Disrupting this moment, I talked my heart out. "Even if I can say I'm in loved with Jeric, I can't say I had totally moved on with what happened with my past pseudo-boyfriend. Jeric knew that and..even when I start to cry because of the past, he listens and comforts me." I cried. They wondered. "It's just that I can't help but cry when I remember how Jeric treats me and is so good to me."

to start living at the "now"

I've been pondering on why I feel so lazy or rather sleepy today but I can't figure it out. I've slept rather early last night at around 10 in the evening and was fighting with myself to get up this morning by 8:30. These lazy days have come more often now that I've finished my studies and graduated. I feel like my life has passed me by and that there is nothing left to do since I've been there-done that. I don't like what I feel but I don’t know how to rub off these thoughts and feelings. I'm just waiting for this day to end so that another days starts. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

 

 And yes I've grown tired of waiting. I think all my life, I've spent most of my time waiting. I waited for Mama at school so that I'll watch Doraemon or Bananas in Pajamas after.  I waited for Papa to go home unexpectedly from his job in Sorsogon so that he, Ian and I could go bike-riding in parks or swimming at the 3-minute walk beach in our barangay. I waited for Ian to finish playing Flyff so that I too could play. I waited for myself to finish high school then finish college. I wait for the MRT. I wait for my friends. I wait for Papa to come home. I wait for Ian to finish high school so that our family could live together again here in Manila. I wait for Saturdays with Pika to come so that I'll be able to spend a day happily and when that days is over, I wait again. Now, I think I'm waiting for my new life as a social worker to start, a new life as a daughter living with her family, a new life as a woman fighting for the equality of men and women, a new life as a mother and wife implementing social work principles in family life. Maybe, it's better for me to stop waiting and start living now.

while in a line of crowded people, I LOLed~

A very funny text message from TJ, who was waiting for me in Trinoma for about an hour:

 

"Asan ka na? Malayo pa ba? Wag kang mapressure, nagtatanong lang."

(Where are you? Would it take long before you'll arrive? Don't get pressured, I'm just asking.)

 

Lol. :D

back to being human~

I think I could never have been able  to taste such sweet day with nothing to do if I have not spent the past whole month burying myself in studying and getting prepared for the board exam.

I spent the last two days in Manuel L. Quezon University with my friends who are also to become professional social workers after the 'right of passage'. But before that, we attended the  week long review classes at the university guided by professors we had from 1st year college and I felt that it was in those days that we were able to strengthen our group's cohesion. A friend was really glad that we stay together most of the time now than we were before. I will miss the block~ I will not be able to see them everyday unlike last month and the last 4 years when I expect to see them in class almost everyday.

June 19, 2009 (bday celeb for Myrel)
 

I love how the 2-day board exam ended with the Transformers 2 movie viewing. I forgot about the board exam while while watching it. Also, after getting out of the theater, I thought the cars I passed by would suddenly transform and attack us or drive us home. :D 

a definition of deviance, from my blue book years back~

"Deviance is problematic, yet essential and intrinsic to any conception of social order."

Q: Why?

Deviance is problematic such that it gives the society a dilemma on how deviance could be prevented, where it came from and why it emerged. It imposes problems such that it endangers the lives of other people (e.g victims of murders, offended people of juvenile delinquents). It is problematic such that it destroys the peace, harmony and the organization of societies. But it is essential to all societies since it celebrates diversity and often lead to a different way of looking at the world. Deviance helps in the society with its (hidden) functions such as provision of jobs for the prevention of deviance, assumption of a sense of identity and individuality, affirmation of cultural norms and values, promotion of social unity, encouragement of social change and clarification of moral boundaries. All this advantages and disadvantages brought by deviance helps in the birth of a society's social order.

We can view this in the following example. Juvenile delinquents are considered deviants and therefore a problem to a society. They imply problem since the offend a party of the population yet they are helpful to social workers, lawyers, and other professions since they are the reasons for providing jobs for such profession. The deviant act also gives a unique identity for the delinquent youth, may it be due to conformity to his friends or the gang he/she belongs to. The deviant behavior also affirms the cultural norm of youth as those who are in school, who studies well and who helps in the development of society in little ways. It promotes social unity since the juvenile delinquents feel belongingness with each other. It may also be viewed as those people working for the prevention of juvenile delinquency being unified in such a goal. It encourages social change since it allows the practitioners to analyze the problems from its roots thus involve solutions such as the alleviation of poverty, advocacy for child betterment, etc. Juvenile delinquency clarifies moral boundaries since it views the deviant act as immoral and those who aren't considered deviant as moral. Juvenile delinquency may be problematic yet is essential to the society in some other way; just like deviance.

~February 13, 2007. Midterm Exam in Social Work 123 (Deviance).

As I read upon it, I never thought I could answer questions backed substantially by theories like that. :) or maybe it was just that exam. teehee~

of coming together and falling apart~

Spending two straight days of my afternoon reading about the origin of the cosmos made me discover an interesting common phenomena of things falling apart - coming together - falling apart then coming together again. It describes a cyclical process whereby it would have no end, and where one can't trace the beginning.

First is the Earth. I remembered my Geology class professor told that the Earth has undergone, undergoing and would undergo many years of land coming together and breaking down again. These are caused by volcanic eruptions at the sea floor, in the middle of plates going against each other and of plates moving away from each other. Observe how the 7 continents are formed from years of these phenomena here:

..and time will come when those continents would again form one huge mass of land but not named as "Pangea" and then fall apart again and form another and so on.

Second is Water. Water also has the cyclical tendency of coming together by virtue of  draining off to rivers, seas and oceans. With the help of heat, water fly to heaven through becoming a vapor and sticks with other water elements until they clutter into clouds and get heavy. They fall apart through rain and then come together again through the same process.

Third is human cells. By conception, cells come together and form tissues into organs into systems into a human. And through the life of the human, they work together in sustaining its life by breaking down food, circulating blood and oxygen, fighting against foreign attackers of the body such as virus, bacteria, etc.. It breaks up at death of the human and die also. Then comes decomposers which take care of  their remnants and who helps them come together with other nutrients and be used as fertilizers bringing up new life in a different form.

Fourth is society. As Karl Marx said, "the history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles". The theory of coming together and falling apart comes in a different level in society where coming together means peace and consensus while falling apart is war and conflict. Society could not have developed and sustained its life until now if there were no conflicting forces and later on agree on a consensus - if this is absent, then development of knowledge through criticism, debate then agreement could not have taken place.

Of coming together and falling apart, I fear the future of people organizations built. The work of social workers is to bring people together to help each other and resolve issues on their own. But will it also come a time when the empowered people's organization face the difficulties of conflict and falling apart? Then maybe, if it so it happens, I wish there would also be a natural or self-induced process of them coming together again. ~.~

my nook in the office~

When Alvin asked me to describe how the office looks like, I simply told him that "hmmm, like a home". The office isn't like the ordinary air-conditioned, white-colored office yet it fits me and I like staying in my nook editing the newsletter. I feel like home, where I could sneak into the kitchen when I feel hungry or just want to take a break by drinking cold water or coffee. In the right is a cabinet for my books though I haven't inserted any since I'm a newbie. The office is even better when my other co-staff are there, laughing around jokes and then in a while, back to their serious paperwork.

My work in ACCE is very different from my fieldwork in my senior year and I still haven't figured out why. The first time I stepped into the office and met the executive sec and finance officer, I felt easy and comfortable with them and the thought of working in ACCE seemed like an unexpected wish come true and I definitely said to myself  "yes, it's social work". Here is the agency's VMG. (from the Operation's Manual)

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