my goals for 2012

Today, I met my best friend from college and until now, a very close friend, Lani. The last time we saw each other was December 29 - 30 of 2011. Since 2009, we only saw each other once a year, but as I was with her today, I feel like nothing has changed.

Because we were only two, we could only take picture of each other. :3

Lani, enjoying her Caramel Smoogee and the Seafood Pizza.

That cap is Lani's gift. I really like it. 

And of course, she took the picture. <3

We think and talk about the same things - social work, social problems, love and all other small things beneath the sky to be pondered of. She has gone beyond a friend, or a best friend, she is a sister, a family member. "A family member doesn't forget another one", as I quote from my Japanese friend Shohei.

"Straight and curly" Photo by Lani.

She became more beautiful and happy, especially that he has found his God's will. I hope to meet mine too in the near future. :3

"We'll all come home when the years collide." - Stereo Goes Stellar

Photo by Kuya Guard using Lani's camera.

And she told me that she has "New Year Goals" rather than "New Year's Resolution". I appreciate this kind of thinking because if you talk about resolutions, it feels like dwelling on problems while goals seems positive, and something to be reached while being contented with where you are now.

So... as I've been pondering last week. I would have to limit my goals into only 5, so that it would be easy to achieve. Lol. And I wouldn't get frustrated much since more goals - more frustration. 

My New Year Goals are as follows:

General Goal: Healthy, Balanced, Happy 2012.

1. EAT, SLEEP, DRINK HEALTHY

My family and close friends really worry about my disorder in eating. Lol.

So, that's the primary thing to be fixed.

Photo by Jesse Altez

For it is basic. Health is wealth. I should have learned that earlier. :3

2. TRAVEL MORE

Travel with Jay to Alabat Island.

By the way, he is also a good photographer.

Photo by my BFF, Eljay Lactuan.

This is easy if I stay active as ACCESS-VOA member because I may be compelled to go to Alabat Island, Smoky Mountain and Pampanga for study tour. However, I also want to go to other places like Anawangin, Sagada, Baguio and Palawan. To go out of the country finally, maybe Thailand or Japan? Because of Kuya Onin's stories, I also wanna be a budget-traveller because life is a never ending study tour. However, all travels should have a purpose (to meet friends, to rewind, to experience new things - Haaaa. It's easy to find a purpose). :3

From one of my travels in 2009. At Alabat Island.

Photo by Shohei Kato.

I read from a blog that this is the right time, (while I'm still young and has fewer responsibility at work) to travel and see the world - so I will.

3. SAVE MONEY

I got a leap with my salary this year and yet, I haven't saved. Lol. It all went down the drain of hang-outs, clothes, shoes, books. I have so many books already in the To-Read List. I have to finish all that first before I buy another new one! Per meal should only be P50.00 but IMPOSSIBLE. =p At least, save P1,000 per month. And the end goal is to save enough money for a DSLR. Yummy. :3

This is me with Kuya Onin's camera. :3

Photo by Bro. Jun of CSsR, a person I look up to in photography.

4. WRITE MORE. STUDY MORE. PLAY MORE

Writing is therapeutic so I want to write more and keep up my blog. It has always been a resolution every year but I'll try to make it attainable by setting my goal to have at least 15 blog posts per month. :) and get back to guitar-playing.

My notebook, 3 years ago. The subject was Social Work 143.

Community Organizing.

After that, study Japanese 30 minutes per day. And as December comes sooner, try to take JLPT N4. I'm still scared to take the test, and I don't know how it costs, but I hope by this year, I have the courage to do so. Probably, it might become more difficult to study Japanese when I start as post-graduate student of Psych and still work as full-time in DSWD. Let's just weigh things at the middle of the year.

5. JUST LIVE. 

I shouldn't worry much about mistakes, frustrations so that I won't fall into depression. I shouldn't also fall into my sickness of being a workaholic because it has seriously damaged my lungs last year. Take one day at a time. Find happiness in each day, and find a way to laugh in each hour. When things go wrong, don't worry, trouble shoot. When things go the right way, enjoy it and seize the moment.

Friendship.

Photo by Yours Truly.

Life is an ice cream, eat it before it melts. I'm excited for 2012!

  

live your dreams, don't oversleep.

I had a rough day today at the office. All because of my mistake of accidentally preparing 2 cheques for my clients. I only learned the consequence of what I did when the accountant told me that to cancel the cheques would pertain going through the long line of bureaucracy of signatures again just the way it had undergone at the beginning. I'm sorry for it and because of my frustration with myself, I had many other persons whom I dealth with negatively. Like, our dear Administrative Assistant who just pulled the paper off my hands, and I strictly told him "What are you doing? Can't you see I'm in a hurry?". But anyway, after a few minutes, I didn't want my anger to be retained in my heart for it was painful too. So, I tried to make it subside and luckily, on my way to the bank with my clients, one child tapped me and smilingly greeted me "Ate!". That made my day.

Anyway, that isn't the true purpose of today's post.

With Kuya Onin and Reika. ^^

Photo by Kuya Onin

In the evening, I went out with Kuya Onin and Reika to the Christmas Party of the Bloomfields at 70's Bistro, Anonas, Quezon City. After a long last day of the year at work, I thought I wanted to enjoy this evening as a reward. And what I got, was more than that.

With schoolmates from UP, united by Bloomfields. :3

Photo by Kuya Onin

While the Bloomfields were playing, I could see their souls in the songs and the music that their instruments produce. It was harmony, it was peace amidst noise and it was a moment where I got refreshed with my goals for the next year. As I watched Rocky played the drums and sing, Louie in the base guitars, Lakan in the lead guitars and Dino in the rhythm guitars, I saw four people enjoying life, living the moment, chasing after their dreams after all the years they had gone through. I also saw four people enjoying each other's company and sticking with it, genuine friendship, I guess. An hour of them playing on stage rekindled the happiness and admiration I had for them and their band.

The Bloomfields, on stage performing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Photo courtesy of Kuya Onin.

Because of these four people, I wanted to also become a person who is actively chasing after her dream, finding one's passion and enjoying life. This week, I've been pondering with what I should change with myself for the next year (in my crowded rooms for improvement) as well as re-planning my life in order to have a healthy, balanced and happy 2012. Last year, I have been sleeping a lot, especially on the months were I was recovering from my illness. And so, this year until the next years I want to "live my dreams and don't oversleep."

By the middle of the year 2012, I'd be a post-graduate student of Psychology hopefully and by the end of the year 2012, I hope to have my own DSLR to finally hone my interest in photography and (stop getting pictures from Kuya Onin.) Lol. Anyway, I'll try to think more about 2012 New Year's Resolution tomorrow.

But, here's some pictures of me with the Bloomfields. Yey! やった!
All pictures were taken by my dear friend, Kuya Onin.

With Lakan, the lead guitarist.

With Louie, bass guitars and voice.

You should really see him dance while paying the bass on stage. :3

With schoolmate Dino (rhythm guitars and voice).

And... I was the one who took this picture of him, with Kuya Onin's camera. :D

Lastly, with Rocky (drums and voice).

I felt a little sad not seeing his drum solo last night,

but, it was a good night.

Thank you Bloomfields! Cheers to 2012! :)

patience in a fast-phased world and celebrating Christmas differently.

Just today, I realized that I had grown to be a very impatient person. In that, you can never talk to me for more than 5 minutes without me reaching for the mobile phone sending text message to another person or receiving a phone call or calling another person. It was this afternoon that I and two other co-workers in DSWD were waiting at SM Foundation for the money that children saved through caroling. We waited for more than half an hour, until I said "Why is it taking so long.?" and I added "I am so impatient, I just thought."

A Cup of Comfort / Patience

Where do we need patience for? It keeps us calm amid pressure. It keeps us sane. It makes us value time more. It makes us enjoy the moment as it happens and forget worrying about the future. It makes us contented of what is in the present, to work with it and enjoy it. This might be a different meaning of patience but this is how I see it.

Children are the most impatient of peoples, but they force us to keep our patience.

[This picture was taken by Ms. Jenny Darish during the Pasko ng Batang Pinoy 2011]

This month's character of the month at our Field Office is "generosity", a perfect character learning for the Christmas season. I learned that generosity does not only mean giving material things but TIME as well. From that Monday morning that I heard that, I tried to be give more time when talking with anybody and putting all the lists that I have to do, aside. In the length of a month of practicing, I felt more happy and I felt more human.

With a hectic itinerary, it was difficult not to do things immediately, urgently and quickly. But then, I got lost with all the things to do. Sometimes, we need to take a break and stop. On that moment that we stop, we realize the background of what we are doing and for what purpose it serves.That is why I am grateful of the holidays as it requires people to take a break, to remember family and friends and to enjoy their selves. Life is more than just work, I recently realized. Next year, I will JUST LIVE. Life is an ice cream, eat it before it melts. 

Here are some of the photographs capturing memories of the my Christmas 2011, I'd like to keep. Thanks to Kuya Onin, for all the pictures!

Merry Christmas VOA!

Japanese Dinner on Christmas Day with VOA

It was first time for me to spend Christmas in Metro Manila.

I never thought there was so many sights to see in the city!

Especially, this Christmas Lighting "Make It Happen Makati"

After a jokingly quarrel with Kuya Allan :)

Playing around Christmas statues with VOA. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sziH7cIKP8

And yeah, here's my Christmas gift for everybody. ^^

giving is like digging a well

It was unusual that I woke up early on a Sunday, but I did today, as requested by our concurrent Chief in Operations Division. We were instructed to go to Tzu Chi Foundation, to assist in the rice distribution for the 17th Anniversary of Tzu Chi.

4 years ago, I went to Tzu Chi Foundation to ask assistance for my client who is a 13-year old boy for his eyes. It was explained to me by a friend that Tzu Chi gives free eye check-ups as well as glasses. However, as soon as I went there, I also saw the long line of people who wanted to ask help for their own health conditions and so I decided to withdraw from asking assistance that day and wrote personally to a Redemptorist priest for my client.

Yet, today was different.

I went to their temple near Banawe Avenue and saw the long line of people again. But, as soon as I saw my co-worker, I told him we should get inside immediately by introducing ourselves as staff of DSWD. From that moment that I said I was DSWD staff, it's as if the world changed. 

Prytzch and I were introduced to the daughter if the CEO of Tzu Chi Philippines. She toured us inside the Still Thoughts Hall, explained briefly about Buddhism and planted enthusiasm regarding Tzu Chi in our hearts. Yet, I was half-listening to her because I became engrossed with the words written on the walls, the words from the foundation's founder, Master Chen Yeng.

Some of which I still remember are...  (though not verbatim)

"Giving is like digging a well. As more land is dug, more water comes out."
"There is no life with a life who just lets the days pass, but there is creation of life from which every moment is spent for a purpose."

I became proud being a DSWD employee today when the CEO of Tzu Chi Philippines welcomed us with a metaphorically very huge embrace. The 20 kilograms of rice to be distributed to each of the 1,200 families was from Taiwan. Through negotiation with Honorable Secretary Dinky Soliman, Tzu Chi was able to send the rice from Taiwan to Philippines tax-free. More so, Tzu Chi was allowed to stock the sacks of rice in NROC (the warehouse of DSWD at NAIA Avenue). Tzu Chi was very proud to say that there was not even 1 sack subtracted from the 25,000 sacks of rice stocked at NROC. They were very grateful and proud to say that DSWD genuinely "serves the people".

"People always thought that when donations are lodged to the government, there is always corruption. But, we have proven it wrong with DSWD." Mr. Alfredo Li (CEO, Tzu Chi Philippines)

But that isn't the only learning I get. The rice to be distributed, a material thing, could be lost from the beneficiaries after a few days of consumption. But, what Tzu Chi wanted to impart more important than rice is the greatest teaching of Master Chen Yeng.

1. To love and serve your parents.
2. To love and serve other people.

To know more about the foundation, here's their website.
http://www.tzuchizam.org/tzuchi/

how to be a Mom to my own Mom.

I've been hearing everywhere that someday, when we grow old, we'll be the ones who'll act like parents of our own parents. I never thought it will come too soon for me.

Mama recently reconnected with her friends from high school, through Facebook. And today, they agreed to meet-up with each other in Pasay City, a little less than 3 hour-drive from our home. I didn't mind at first that it was taking too long for Mama to come back home until I finished Season 6 of How I Met Your Mother (Shameless Plug) and as I saw her favorite prime time dramas finish one after the other. I began worrying when she wasn't home when the clock stroke 9:00 in the evening.

And I started to call her. But no answer.

Until I read her message that she might be getting home late because it might take long before their dinner shall be served in a "Dampa" restaurant in Pasay City. [Dampa is a haven for sea foods, where you'll be the one to choose which sea creature you shall eat, who shall cook it, and served to you fresh from the live kitchen.]

"Pasay City is too far. Please go home immediately." - I caught myself typing in the text message. Sent.

Until, I realized it's how her messages looked like when I'm still on the road at 9, 10, 11 or 12 in the evening or midnight.

I was too glad when she arrived by 9:30, and was still able to catch a show we watch together every night, "My Binondo Girl", with chocolates and souvenirs from her dear friend. She gave the earrings to me, but i didn't care about it. I was just glad that she was finally home.

Today, I felt the anxiety she feels when I'm not yet home and hours has passed after sun down. I need to get home earlier, from now on, I thought.

Anyway, She was talking that all of them had cars now. I could sense a little envy with her, and comparison to a life that she lives now from her materially successful friends. But, I guess I should save it for another story. ;) 

With Mama, Easter 2011.

"A daughter is a person who'll be your future best friend" - Anonymous.

Do what you love, the rest will follow.

This changes nothing but I'd like to say to my friends that I love my job even though it makes me very busy and unable to see them for a while. On weekdays, I'd go straight to bed after a tiring day unlike before when I could hang-out and meet some friends in Cubao for dinner or a cup of coffee. So, recently I learned to love weekends not only because it gives me time to rest but it balances my life, and make me ready for the adventure I'll be having for the next week.

So, what have I been busy about? As an answer to a friend...

   The work of a social worker in the streets, is a risky yet adventurous job.   

Last Sunday, we had rescue operations of street children and street families in Guadalupe. After giving them breakfast, we interviewed them of how we could be of help to them. As expected, their needs are the basic ones - food, livelihood, shelter. For me, the street children and street families are the concrete products of an unequal society. For the last 2 years, I thought that the children who are not given chance to go to school in the rural areas are the most deprived ones. I learned recently that there are children in worse situation than them, and they are the children living, playing, sleeping, scavenging, selling sampaguita, etc. on the streets.

"It's a blurry present and not just future, for these children." 

Last Wednesday, we also did profiling of the street families staying in NAIA Avenue. To my surprise, there are families living under the Catcat Bridge near the International Airport. I was fighting my tears to fall, when I saw these pictures forwarded by the barangay officers.   

Homeless street families under Catcat Bridge.

Through interviews, I found out that these families have been residing under the bridge for almost 20 years already. The only way to contribute to them in starting their life anew is to give them opportunity for resettlement, before they face threats of demolition. As a friend told, "It'll be your legacy, if you're able to change their situation, for... since I was a child, they are already there."

Me talking to a street child, with my fellow social worker.

Sometimes, I feel so small that I could do minimal things for social change. I am just a social worker and decisions are sometimes under the judgment of people of higher ranks than me. I may recommend these families for resettlement, but the reality of that happening is still under the hands of an entity bigger than me, which is the one to provide an area for resettlement as well as budget for the houses of these families.

But, I still believe that my words in written and oral has a lot to say. I love what I do, and I do my best, and I hope the rest will follow.

dance to inspire.

It made me more proud when a UP Pep Squad member said "We were just so proud that we had a perfect run. We were here to inspire. The awards are just bonuses." And yes! This is the "UP PEP SQUAD CHAMPION Hang-over". September 17, 2011, UAAP CDC will be on our memories for long. 

Credits to @eloindigoart, 
For the above picture. <3

And here's the UP Pep Squad in their 2011 routine.
And another one -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efKkIpd0df8

HAPPY WEEKEND PEYUPS!

the truth about Bukas-Taxi Boys.

A week ago, our unit was busy with the latest issues about minors doing illegeal acts in Guadalupe. They are the so-called "Bukas Taxi Kids" of Guadalupe. Right after the reports of the media, because of MMDA's success in capturing them boys through CCTV, DSWD was called to respond. Now, the boys are under the custody of Makati City Social Welfare Department's Mapagkalinga Drop-In Center.

These boys are victims themselves. Personally, I don't agree with the amendment of RA 9344 of the Juvenile Justice Welfare Act of 2006. To lower the age of discernment / to amend RA9344 is putting the blame on the child, and being blinded with the societal factors that lead him to do activities in conflict w/ law. The child, until 17 yrs old, needs guidance, and thus, should not be blamed solely for an illegal act. That is why we not need lower the amendment (of changing the age of discernment), but strengthening programs (curfew, educational assistance, youth volunteering opportunities, etc.) that would prevent children from doing criminal acts.

I think this is how the Honorable Secretary sees it as well.

Memory of that afternoon when we (me and Social Woker from Makati City Social Welfare Department)
interviewed Capratin of Brgy. Guadalupe Viejo regarding reports from concerned citizens of Bukas-Taxi Kids.
Thanks to Ms. Raquel Masecampo.

As my father said, the "Bukas-Taxi Kids" are but just a product of an exploitative society. To put the blame on them or to amend the RA9344 is like taking a shortcut in solving the problem which would not solve it, from its roots.

Time has the answer.

A little earlier this month, I was suprised with my thought that "Oh, there's a 31st in August!". Had I become so insensitive and naive or had the sad feelings and cloudy thoughts erased the memory?, I do not know. August had given me a wave of emotions, until it has given me happiness in its last day. Anyway, this is another side of my life. I'm just happy that the empty space inside, has been filled again by an old puzzle piece, coming back home.

In that short period of time that I have been not updating you my dear journal, so may things happened. I felt that I shook the world more than China when I suddenly bid goodbye to being full-time staff of ACCESS, to be a Project Development Officer of the Department of Social Welfare and Development. Believe me, it was a heartbreaking choice to do too. It was saying goodbye to your home for two years, from family and from the comfort zone. It felt same as I was entering the unversity, taking a big leap.

DSWD's program aims for 0 street children in 10 priority areas of Metro Manila. This aim and program has been "hot" and "controversial" as with the doubts that it could be achieved. The program includes 6 projects, namely:

1. Sampaguita planting project
2. Resettlement for homeless street families
3. Liberating Indigenous People from Indignity (LIPI) for empowering Bajaus
4. Activity Centers
5. Day and Night child-minding centers
6. Camping Project

I am currently assigned to facilitate technical assistance and resource augmentation to the cities of Pasay and Makati. However, this is easier said than done. I am a neophyte still in working under a government office, and everyday is still a hard learning process with regards to how the administrative, finance and operating systems work. After a month of wokring with DSWD, I got the hang of it, nevertheless, there are so many rooms for improvement for myself in order to do the job well.

Our busy, Special project Unit Office gets way of people clatter by lunch time. ^^

My co-staffs busy in their profiles of street children.

A realization I have while staying on the streets is that... the problem of street children, street families and indigenous people is not a separated matter with the problem of the urban poor, of rural-urban migration, of poor economic management leading to lack in job opportunities. Therefore, I feel that there are so many things to be done before 0% incidence in whole Metro Manila could be achieved. Not unless, centers and institutions would be upgraded to accomodate all of the street children and street families. It is a great challenege! It is known to all that the proliferation of children in the streets should be acted upon, yet we should also ask ourselves to take a look at it with a bird's eye view to understand how it relates to the other problems proliferating in our society.

Next.... From August, I've restarted being a volunteer of ACCESS again for the simple reason that I miss the debates, the hard-working volunteers and my passion for Japanese culture and language. Now, I feel more free to do what I want, with limited pressure. I could say to myself that I am very happy to where I am now in my life.

With Yuri and Macha, on a train ride to Ayala, after the VOA meeting. :)
Just enjoying the ride. たのしいかた。^^

After months of mourning for a love that I thought was lost, and after weeks of tiredness, confusion and unhappiness in the current job that I'm doing, I've finally passed upon it. And realized, what Kuya Archie said was true "only time has the answer".

P.S.
私はあなたが私の人生に戻ってくれてうれしい。

a social worker knows her own intervention

like a doctor knows her own medicine. Fortunately, I know... the cure, the immediate first-aid treatment but not the prevention. I shouldn't be writing this, but just because writing is an intervention, I wanted to and for the same reason that I have something to look back or I hope to laugh about in the future.

I doubt that this is just stress. I'm worried that it's close to depression. But since I know a little how to deal with these things, I consciously apply interventions to myself. It's silly really. At times, I just hoped I didn't know the formula of my mathematical problem.

Recently, I've been insomniac. I couldn't sleep at night worrying, and end up in slumber in the morning. I wanted to, but I could only do that on weekends. So, on weekdays I struggle against sleepiness in the dead hours in the office doing paper works and as the clock strikes five, I rush home only to fall asleep on the bus and get nauseated again until 2:00 in the morning.

Last night was the worst so far since there was also headache. "I want to fall asleep" was my mantra while fighting myself from thinking. Because, when I do, it's like an unending web of hopes, of problems and of frustrations. Recently, it has not been of inspirations. I grabbed my mobile phone, looked for the media player and played "Canon - the music box version". That calmed my neurons while concentrating on the tune.

What played in my mind while the tune was playing was memories of childhood. The time of my life where I had no obligations - just doing good in school. I had all the time for myself for doing the things I like - for drawing, for playing outside, for playing computer games with my brother. Some of my happiest moments also subconsciously slipped in my mind such as:

1. the birth of my younger brother - My father was playing with me the living room of our home in Bicol and asked me "would you love your younger brother?". Of course, I will. I do.

 Picture break - We were playing with the wooden horse when my father cold us to take a picture.

2. stretching and exercise with Papa, at  the rooftop of the field office, somewhere in Sorsogon, of an NGO where my father was working.

3. watching the stars at night, at the same rooftop, while eating sandwiches with cheese spread with Papa.

4. playing as princesses with my cousins using the curtains of our grandfather's "salas" (living room).

5. playing hide and seek, "Langit Lupa", and "Sili-sili" at the vacant lot / backyard of my cousin's home.

6. getting excited for getting a new dress for my Barbie doll, as a reward for doing good in school from Papa.

7. getting excited for my brother who was getting a gift from me on his birthday (a soldier set, much like a terrarium) which my parents didn't approve because it was not for his age.

8. playing "Patintero" at black out nights, thereby using the moonlight with neighborhood friends.

9. one afternoon, after school, spent running around the neighborhood with my first and childhood crush (on elementary), who later on became my first boyfriend (on high school).

I know I had more, but it rolled back to the attic of my brain.

And all I could remember while waking up the next morning was,
"I'm back to the present".

I have an idea how this depression will be solved, from its roots but at this time, I couldn't yet. I would be able to talk more about it later too, when God permits. I'm alright. I will be better, in the future.

Out of greatest rejection, comes our greatest direction

That was a quote from a friend from Palawan named Arl Marie. It was random for her to send this text message but it meant a lot to me, because it's actually my learning for today.

This morning I couldn't help myself from crying bitterly while eating my snack on a fast food restaurant. I didn't want to cry but the emotions are just too much that tears kept falling. I was in a public place, but the tears didn't care. It was too much frustration and anger to the self - for taking too long time to decide. Indecision is the next thing that I should conquer within myself. What serves as a cup of comfort for me today was a line from B.O.B.'s Airplanes that goes...

"So Airplane, airplane, sorry I'm late.
I'm on my way, so don't close that gate.
If I don't make that, then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be back right at it, by the end of the night."

Earlier this morning, I went to the Department of Social Welfare and Development - NCR. A friend from UP informed me of a job opening, 3 weeks earlier from today. After too long indecision, I finally decided to give it a try, after reading that it involves community organizing and with focus on street children in Manila. After 24 hours, I learned that my application was too late for the DSWD Central Office. And after taking a trip to Old Manila and lurking its streets, I learned that the only opening on the NCR Field Office was for Administrative Assistant.

On the way to the NCR office, I decided to take a pedicab from Legarda St. corner Recto Avenue only to find out that the office was just a few blocks away from the pedicab terminal and which I could do with 2-3 minutes walk. I hated the pedicab driver who took advantage, and didn't just advise me to walk. However, I kept patient in front of him, considering the difficulty of him getting passengers day in and day out.

 "Sometimes, we become close minded which also closes the opportunities that are just close. [kringchan via Twitter]" If I hadn't been too focused on "I should get a pedicab to go to DSWD after walking from Sergio Loyola St. to Legarda St.", I could have seen the DSWD office which was obviously only a few walks more. More so, if I hadn't been closing my mind and limiting myself from the opportunities that the world is giving, I would be standing still, with no growth. Years ago, I always told myself not to work under a government office because it would just take away my passion upon seeing the reality of corruption. Today, I learned that DSWD (despite the fact that it is the LEAST corrupt government office of the Philippines), is still the best institution for us social workers to apply our knowledge and skills. On one hand, government fund is bigger and more stable than that of non-government organizations, all the more requiring genuine gatekeepers. On the other hand, social workers were trained for "standards" and the "standards" are applied and are required to be safeguarded by DSWD.

Before I went out of the fast food, I read my resume again from top to bottom. I remembered an advice I read somewhere (sorry, if I can't put reference to you my dear article) that goes "if you feel too far from your dreams, take a moment to pause and look back on how far you have reached, savor that moment of you still having the gap between the reality and your dreams, and refresh yourself of your motivations for fighting". That's exactly what I did. I've been an intern and volunteer for five NGOs already. I've worked with ACCE for 2 years. From here, I want to study Masters in Psychology, to work for DSWD sooner or later (if God permits) and still looking forward to that day where I would enter my class and ask my students "so... what brings you here?". 

 

My present work (Child-organizing and organizing guardians for BCPC)
Taken during field work in Perez, Alabat Island, project site of ACCESS.
Just finished a week of tutorial class and meeting with guardians.

Truly, "there is no perfection, there is only.. life." 

keeping it sane, by retreating to my favorite place

which made me insane, five years ago. My life in "Peyups" (University of the Philippines) remains the greatest turning point in my life. It pushed me to work hard, to keep on chasing my dreams and to value honor and excellence. These gave a lot of pressure as insanity over ideologies sunk in. It made me "grow-up", although not too much in the physical looks. But I'm glad, it is the same place that keeps me sane.

Over the weekend, amidst confusion over opinions and haziness of being busy, I was happy to retreat, and find myself again.

 
"Cause there's a blue sky, waiting tomorrow" - Blue Skies by Hale

I really enjoyed this weekend which my family and one of my best friends prepared for me. It felt like a long weekend. It felt like I've been away from work long enough and sufficient enough to inspire me again. It felt like I've reconnected with my self, from long ago, like being able to attend a retreat.

From yesterday, I've been spending time with watching:

1. How I met your mother series
2. A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Thai movie)
3. Kung Fu Panda (though I've seen it in theaters, it still feels well seeing with little brother)

4. Camp Rock 2 (led me to practice guitar, later this evening)
5. Street Dance
6. and now - (Harapan: Debate about Divorce Bill in Philippines, should it be passed or not?)

Being able to attend the mass (with Mama and Ian) at the UP Chapel in the morning made me nostalgic over my first year in the university. A year where hopes were high and when I could feel that me and my friends believe that anything is possible now that we're given a chance to study in UP. We called our selves "Alien Society" or Aliens in reference to "people who had the highest grades in UP, who was intelligent enough to be regarded by other persons as out of this world" .

After the mass, I insisted that we eat at Rodic's [since 194], the oldest canteen at UP and home of the best tapsilog in town. My brother also loved it! I thought that sharing the things you love with your loved ones is a beautiful thing by giving them a splice of your life. For 4 years that I studied in university, I was away from Mama and Ian, who were both living in our hometown, Bicol. It was only at present time, when everyone is now living in Quezon City, that I could have the chance to share them the places, stories, food, etc. that kept me company at those years that I felt lonesome.
 

"Ang sarap ng tapsilog dito Ate!"
(My brother enjoying his tapsilog)
 

After the long day, I say.... "I STILL love UP".
 

And... I'm off to see the debate. I missed so much already. I'd like to listen to opinions of various people with regards to the Divorce Bill. Although I don't like the timing of debating about it at this time because it is a "U-turn" to the long debate about passing the Reproductive Health Bill.

 

 

the new generation call their other half, "half-orange".

People at my age. Well, that's really sweet, for it might be what most of us are looking for - someone who'll like be our twin, some romantic love story where in your other half is in to your interests too, just like in the movies. Not only the vivid color of orange, makes it interesting but also the metaphor that when you cut an orange in half, you'll get the same thing, twice the quantity.

 

*Click Photo for Reference.

People at my age. In a relationship. Dating. Looking for someone. Getting married. Having children. I'm happy that most of them have theirs, and I'm happy that I don't. (Well, maybe.) But at least, I'm learning so much from not having one, and enjoying too all the while dreaming of that person, that days, when I'll be finally in a serious, committed relationship with someone responsible enough to take the commitment. Recently, I've felt a couple of mixed emotions such as happiness over just having a friend by your side who'll stick with you, at your worse and would care to treat you with coffee and ice cream to lift up the mood. I also felt sadness with a friend who told I could have been the perfect girl for him but I am most suited to be treated like a sibling, to him. I felt excitement overhearing someone liked my best friend and with that excitement, came a little bit of anger for he really never liked it. I felt contentment over just having found friends I could keep for the rest of my life, but a little afraid that I won't be entering into a relationship soon, because of them. I was confused why a friend was confused over my joke which sounded serious, but seriously it was only a joke. And just today, I felt inspired when I heard Canon played in string quartet and imagined that is just the perfect music for a proposal. (In totally unrelated news, I love blogs because I could just write with my run-on sentences without being scolded by my father). I also wonder, why fathers should always have a say about your boyfriend. Anyhow, even me... I'm all psyched up with these relationship thingy but... recently, I realized I'm just not ready for it... anymore.

People at my age. We wonder how it feels like to just to lay around and watch TV with someone during rainy days. We get hurt with our dreams shattered away with people leaving. We have a minute in every day thinking about the person who keeps us sad or happy at night, at the moment. We cry about past love stories and reminisce about it again and again. We love, we fall-out, we regret, we justify but in the end, realize that it was all worth it and think "it was good while it lasted, the moments have been seized". We hate the bitter after taste but still hope to meet the dessert, sometime in the future. We have friends whom we talk about it again and again. Probably, the media, the movies, the arts, the literature or life itself is to be blamed. We are just a generation, that is so into love.

writing, I miss you.

Last time I checked, I last wrote on this journal on April 11, 2011 and it felt like it has been forever. There is no new learning I'd like to share today, just the feeling that I've become so lonely and not myself without writing. I can't say I was too busy or lost the interest to do so.  Maybe, it's both or maybe not.

This blog post will probably pointless, but I just missed letting the thoughts flow from my brain to my fingertips, as the page gets filled with words. I missed.... writing.

Tonight, I phased-out during the bus ride and as consciousness sprung back at me, I was surprised that I was not in a familiar place anymore. I tried to call my friend to ask for help but he didn't answer. I guess my father was right when he said, it's only you that could help yourself. When I got down the bus, a pang of fear struck me. In the past 5 years, I thought I could live alone but the truth is, I couldn't. I was scared to take another bus again that would go the opposite direction and take me back. I was also afraid to ride a taxi, considering exposes about taxi drivers kidnapping, hold-up and schemes. At last, I bet for my life and just prayed the taxi driver would be kind. In the 4 months, that I went home in Fairview, I never felt so comfortable seeing our old torn door.

Last night was a shock. As a friend bid goodbye to me and explained reasons for leaving, I couldn't say a thing. It was as if my words were stolen by her angst and anxiety. As I said goodbye seeing her rode the jeepney, I smiled. I wondered if I could ever give that same smile again to her again. We rode another jeepney and there, the tears fell. Fortunately, the rain was puring hard so no one could ever notice. I cried for the guilt of things that I could have done for her, when she felt so tired, stressed and confused. Her decision seem undebatable and I just hope for a miracle to happen. I realized, I was still an immature 21-year old trying to tell the whole world I could do things, but the truth is, I still cannot.

Stories of my friend who is now a teacher in Ateneo High School is interesting. He told me about first-day jitters, about students telling him directly at his face that he's "not interested" with him, about colleagues's personality that unfolds to him gradually each day, about future activities of him with his students in a public school for community service in the form of free tutorial classes and... more. In the end, I envy him because his work seemed interesting. I'm glad he found something that would give him happiness and would give him opportunity to help his family, at the same time. He would be able to hit two bird with one stone in the next couple of years.

In my elementary years, I loathed the teaching profession. "I don't want to be a teacher, I don't have interest in what they do, They seem to tired everyday", were my words as a child. Unknowingly, the work of a social worker, my present work, requires more. Gradually, realizations unfold. In the middle of bus rides, I caught myself imagining myself inside a class room giving instructions in a workshop. I even felt the thrill as if I was in the reality of doing the workshop. Sometimes, I would catch myself saying "If I was the teacher, I would have prepared more." More so, when I teach our scholars in Alabat Island, I feel happy just being able to share my knowledge to them and seeing them respond "ah! that's why! (especially in Science, my favorite subject in elementary)". Little by little, I assessed what's happening with my unconscious for it is as if I have longed to be a teacher all my life. And this envy - this envy over my friend who shared stories about his first day as a teacher, it brings me to the conclusion, I was made for teaching.

But when I start to plan in detail, I lose self-confidence. Now, I am a social worker in an NGO. This year, I was asked to do assistance in both Administrative tasks as well as Education, Training and Advocacy. Today was a sad day really. I spent the whole day planning how to organize papers, files and folders - inputting it into a computer. I finished it, but it was dragging. While doing it, I thought "I didn't study social work to clean up clutters of papers!" but when I finished, I was consoled with the thought that "If this would be implemented, then our work would be much more efficient and effective not only for staff but for the people we serve." So, actually what I did today is still a task of Social Work. It is just not what I love to do. :(

When I plan modules and workshops, I always ask myself "which strategy is best for people to get what I wanted them to learn from me?". I always worry about "what they would remember after I had given this lecture or workshop". Five minutes before implementation, I always feel anxious of my plan and I secretly pray that there would be typhoon, no electricity or participants would be absent just so it would be cancelled. However, during implementation, I seem to lose myself. I do things according to plan and it seems like the other part of my brain which is hidden works for me. Exhaustion, then comes after that is, fulfillment.

I would love to spend my everyday thinking about workshops, reading or making workshop materials with my own bare hands. That'll probably what I would like to do 3 to 5 years from now when unfortunately I got uninterested with the routine that I have been doing in the last 2 years. For I am a person, who doesn't like routine, but spontaneity. 

However, it's quite out-of-line if I'd teach elementary or high school. I'd like to also share my experiences with matured people. I would like to hear fresh ideas from young people (like me). I would like to hear debates and see things get more clarified and clear as debate progresses. And so, I dream to be a university professor.

of Social Work? of Community Development? of Sociology? of International Relations? I don't know yet.

I'm now really very excited to come back to the university and get back to studying. I haven't chosen yet but I thought would get my dream more specified in the future, when I am already in the middle of my studies. That's what happened in my undergraduate studies, by the way. I've come to love social work while I was studying it. I'll get to know if the water's really cold, as I rush into it.

That is all for now. I'm glad I've let out these thoughts tonight, before tucking myself in my blanket.

P.S.
I hope to get my own camera soon, as I would start Project 365 from my 22nd birthday,
to discover, enhance and play with my skills in photography.

social entrepreneurship (like Uniquease) never felt and tasted this good.

 

 

Saturday gave me back into nostalgia as I walked around Makati again and I couldn't help but take a picture of this humble hotel in Makati which serves as our home for 12 days during study tours.

Last Saturday was a free day for there was no VOA meeting but.. I still chose to go out, went to Makati and meet with a dear friend, Amechan. She was to coordinate our fair trade program with Uniquease, a social entrepreneur / restaurant in Makati and I tagged along. A pleasant surprise in learning was up ahead that I didn't know about.
 

(Humble signed board welcoming its customers.)

 

The restaurant serves organic food and hires as its staff youth from impoverished communities such as Payatas and who are then, beneficiaries of NGO (such as SALT and ICAN). I was warmly welcomed by the 19 year old staff of Uniquease and by talking with him, I could see his happiness in his work, his pride of being able to prove something out of himself and comfortable with the loving embrace that a person from the NGO world, Ms. Yachiyo Nakamura, has given them through the opportunity of self-reliance and personal development.

 

I told him.."when I first stepped in,I thought all of you were graduates of HRIM, for your quality of service is good." I was wrong. The youth have undergone trainings as staff. They also have other activities such as workshops on making pots to increase their livelihood capabilities. The staff also live in a quarters managed by themselves. "The objective of Ms. Nakamura for hiring us as staff, is for us to become empowered, to stand on our own", he humbly explained.

 

(People Tree: A picture of the activities of youth shown inside the Uniquease restaurant)

 

At the front of the restaurant, you'll be welcomed by Uniquease's fair trade corner. This corner cater the want and need of Japanese students and visitors from Japan to shop for souvenirs to be given to their friends when they come back home. The products in Uniquease's fair trade corner are from livelihood projects of different NGOs, such as ACCESS, ICAN, SALT, etc. Even, the pots made by staff / youth of Uniquease are sold here. 

 

(Mapayapa products sold in Uniquease's fair trade corner)

 

(Accesories made from pili by kids. Pili is a native food from my hometown, Bicol.)

Today I learned that business can be done with the multitude of opportunities for helping other people. I hope every busines could be practiced like this - without oppression of work hours and wage of employees and not hindering their personal development and self-reliance. Unique ideas for putting-up a restaurant and an enterprise, is what keep Uniquease close to our hearts. 

 
 

Uniquease made us very happy that day, that we decided to sing a song for them. And yeah, we'll perform it once Amechan, Hanachan and Makichan plays the guitar, which would be very soon!
 

(I'm happy that more and more people I know are getting interested with playing guitar.) 
 

Visit their website --> http://uniquease.org/

or follow their twitter account --> http://twitter.com/#!/UNIQUEASE

or add them in Facebook --> http://www.facebook.com/UNIQUEASE.Restaurant

ACCES VOA Blog has a new blog post about Perez:

--> http://ameblo.jp/acce-philippines/ 

scavenging is one of the worst forms of child labor

In preparation for the Short Study Tour of ACCESS, I've been reading about Child Labor, starting from the perspective of international laws.

One thing I learned is that there is a difference between working children and child labor. Working children as told by UNICEF, is positive, as it provides venues an opportunities for children to develop and prepare themselves to become productive members of the society. For example, a child who enrolls himself in program of McDonals to be kiddie crew, or a child who is in charge of washing the dishes at lunch time this summer, can not be considered child labor. On the other hand, child labor is a "work that deprives children of their childhood, their potential and their dignity ad that is harmful to physical and mental development." (ILO). Examples of these are the saddening situation of children not going to school because they are sugarcane (Luzon) or pineapple (indanao) plantation workers, children forced to make firecrackers and fireworks (Bulacan), children pimped, trafficked and forced to prostitution and so on and so fort... The list really goes on, especially in a Third World Country, like the Philippines.

The second thing I learned... I was surprised upon reading about the worst forms of child labor. As stated in Article 3 of the ILO Convention 182 on Worst Forms of Child Labor ratified in 1999, the worst forms of child labor are:

a. all forms of slavery or practices similar to slavery
b. use, procure or offering of child for prostitution and pornography production
c. use, procure or offering of children for illicit activities (ex. drug-trafficking)
d. work that harms health, safety or morals of children

 

[Getting ahead of the game means being in the garbage truck first! Photo by FIT.]

I've read the fourth one a couple of times and tried to analyze scavenging. Scavenging harms health because the children and youth are working in an unhealthy environment - a mountain of garbage. This works makes them more prone to bronchial diseases such as asthma, tuberculosis, etc. Scavenging also harms safety of the children and youth for everyday, they are in risk of falling debris by riding the garbage trucks in order to get ahead of others for recyclable garbage. An often accident in Smoky Mountain is that people got hit by toilet bowls at their back, got wounded by broken tiles or aluminum wires poking out or by syringes. Scavenging harms morals because of the situation of "getting ahead" of others, wherein quarrels arises just for the sake of getting that aluminum which would could be sold for P5.

 

[Child carrying a sack of garbage. Photo by ACCESS-Philippines]

[Children playing around truck. Photo by ACCESS-Philippines.]

Upon seeing youth members of SSDN (Samahan sa Sitio Damayan ng Nananambakan - the people's organization which our NGO, [ACCESS] works with) in the barge, in their soiled clothes and boots filled with mud - I can really attest that scavenging of the children and youth in Smoky Mountain is one of the worst forms of child labor. I couldn't help pushing myself not to be in tears when I saw them, but they youth were very happy to see us at the premises of the barge and talking to them while they're at work. I felt helpless, that I couldn't do anything at that time but just to observe. What shall I do, as a social worker?

 

["They don't care about Us" danced by SSDN-Youth. Photo by Tito-san.
and Yes! We should ask "Does the government care?"]
 

So far, our program for the youth is helping them in building their organization (SSDN-Youth) through workshop and trainings for leadership and internationalism. This is in view, that people from NGO are not the ones who should pull the people out of poverty, but they themselves, through their empowerment. Another part of our program is cultural training and providing venues (study tours, ACCESS anniversary event) for the youth to show their talents in singing, dancing, theater and arts as their tool for telling more people about their situation. Their songs are about their life in Smoky Mountain, their drama and plays are about "how a beautiful Barrio Mandaragat became the present dumpsite, infamously known as Smoky Mountain". I believe there is much to be done, to fight against child labor. But one step I, FIT and ACCESS could make is showing more of this harsh reality through our short study tour on May 2 - 7, 2011. With fingers crossed, I hope it goes well.

 

[Study tour of VOA last June. Photo by Eri Asada.]

[Brothers. Photo by Nino Bayan]

Last thoughts... As younger brothers and sisters, would you let child labor or scavenging of youth and children in Smoky Mountain continue until future? Please think about it too.

Blogs related to this post, please visit --->

ACCESS Tokyo Team SHARE:
http://ameblo.jp/acceshare/ 

ACCESS Japan blog (New Post Up!):
http://blog.goo.ne.jp/access_japan

ACCESS FIT (Support team to Smoky Mountain):
http://ameblo.jp/fit-news/